HORSEMANSHIP LOVE LANGUAGE

Novella: The Reluctant Friend and the Pursuit of Peace & LOVE

The Sovereign Soul In every great story (and in every horsemanship journey) there is a character who sits on the edge of the room. They appear nonchalant, perhaps even a bit brusk, acting as though they don’t need the group. Whether it’s the “sour” but deeply misunderstood heroine Mary Lennox in The Secret Garden… or Elsa from Frozen, whose “ice” was never about being cold, but about protecting a heart that was too sensitive for the world… these are high-resolution beings who don’t give their trust for free.

This is Novella.

The Totality of the Circumstances

When I first met this 13.3-hand Lipizzan, the “data points” were conflicting. She had come from an early training program that simply didn’t work for her (the traditional methods of ground and saddle work had left her defensive and shut down). She was lucky enough to move from that situation to living with a wonderful lady who was happy to watch her grazing in her luxurious field as a tiny little unicorn decoration.

Because of their size difference, this lady didn’t ride her, but she did something perhaps even more important: she provided many years of pure appreciation. She gave Novella a safe place to just be. When Novella was gifted to me at 9 years old, I inherited a horse who had been kept safe… but who still carried the tension of those early, mismatched years. I would feel her get tight or see her eyes blink with an apprehension that spoke of a deep-seated need to protect herself.

If I had taken any one of those moments in isolation, I could have reached a thousand wrong conclusions. But horsemanship (and love) is about the totality of the circumstances. It’s about the intuition to see that the tension was a question: “Is it safe for me to let my guard down?”

The Legacy of the Journey

My first Lipizzan, Nigel, was the horse who taught me the almost unbelievable possibilities of trick training and clicker training. Nigel also became one of my first Bridlehorses. It was a beautiful chapter. But as I stood at the base of the mountain with Novella, I knew my own evolution had brought me to a different path.

Now, in this specific partnership with Novella… and truly, over the last five years of my own journey… I felt that introducing food rewards would be like walking up to the edge of a cliff. For me, it was a simple choice between what kind of reward I wanted to offer. I sensed it would only make her more sour to have a transactional layer between us when what I believe she really craves is peace and love. This is where the application of the Five Principles we talk about on Pursuit Mountain is so clutch (and yes, for those in the know—and those who listen to the Horsemanship Remarks show—I mean clutch AF).

It reminds me of the Lily Pad concept we’ve discussed before—the idea of creating those reliable islands of peace for the horse to land on. With Novella, no matter if we’re teaching class, cantering along or developing a more passagey trot; I’m looking for her to find her own “lily pad” of peace right in the middle of our work.

The Discipline of the Sanctuary

What Novella needs is inner peace, the stillness at the center of the Rectangle, and a true appreciation for exactly who she is and what she is bringing to the table. We often talk on the show about the “difference that makes the difference,” and with Novella, that difference was the choice to prioritize her emotional state over my own timeline.

The great part about having Novella as my main partner (and she’s my 12-Week Horsemanship Challenge partner this year, too) is how much she stretches me. She demands that I “pour on” the appreciation and, most importantly, that I let her do the work. One of our core beliefs in the Horsemanship Insider is that the horse gets to move their own body. If I were to push or pull Novella around, she would turn into a chunk of iron. But when I empower her autonomy? I see glimpses and feel moments of the masterpiece… the 830 pounds of God Particles that she is.

The Path to the Bridlehorse

To me, there is a deep love in the restraint of prioritizing feel and quality instead of jumping all over the curriculum. With Nigel, I was often so hungry for the “vistas” (the passage, the flying changes) that I would sometimes jump ahead just to feel them. With Novella, I am much more disciplined. Because she is so talented, she often offers these things up naturally, so it takes extra discipline (and a bit of a chuckle!) to keep myself to the order of the Bridlehorse items as we move through the Guideposts of the Pursuit.

It’s the choice to value the quality of the connection over the flash of the movement. And because she is technically a pony, the fun and the delight are always bubbling to the surface. She reminds me every day that the most refined technicality is nothing if it isn’t infused with joy.

A Fellowship of Two

Novella has taught me that a horse’s true love language is often composed of three things: Peace, Understanding, and Appreciation. She isn’t the horse who will run to the gate with over-the-top displays of affection. She’s the reluctant friend who, in a giant field of seven horses, quietly finds her way to my side and just… stands there.

She fits me perfectly—not just in spirit, but in size. I’ll admit, I spent a moment feeling a bit self-conscious about being a grown-up riding such a small horse. I’ve spent my life on giant Warmbloods and Thoroughbreds, and I worried about the “reality” of teaching a clinic on a pony-sized partner. But there is an endless, quiet delight in realizing that at 5’2″, she is exactly the coordinate I need. Choosing her was an act of letting go of the “Mechanical” expectations of the outside world to find the “True Heartbeat” of my own pursuit.

I remember bringing her as a “tagalong” to a clinic shortly after I got her. She was barely started, but she had such a good mind that by the end of the day, I was loping (cantering! 😅) her around with a giant smile on my face. My friend Michael Sparling (who you all know from the Horsemanship Remarks show) watched us for a second and then said, “Listen, you should only ride ponies from now on”. When I asked him why, he just laughed and said, “Because you love it. You’re having so much fun.”

That meant everything to me. In a world where people often prioritize how the “package” looks or what kind of horse “should” be at a clinic, Michael valued my happiness more than the optics. He wasn’t interested in the status of a big horse. As my friend, he was interested in the genuine joy of my experience.

Novella and I are a fellowship of two, proving that when you lead with appreciation for who the horse is right now, even the most reluctant heart—and the most self-conscious rider—will eventually find their way home.

Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you—have you ever shared your life with a “reluctant friend”? Maybe it’s a horse that made you earn every ounce of their trust, or perhaps a dog or cat who shows their love through quiet presence rather than over-the-top displays. How did you learn to read their specific love language? Leave a comment below and share your story with the fellowship.

P.S. If you want to see where this journey actually started, I’ve uploaded some of my very first days with Novella inside the Map Room Backstage Pass at Horsemanship Insider. You can see the raw moments of her finding her center before we ever hit the clinic trail. Come find us—we’d love to have you in the fellowship.

To see my personal journey as it unfolds, follow me at Evolution of a Girl on Instagram.

PSSST… If you’re looking for the coordinates to the trailhead, or if you just want to come hang out on Pursuit Mountain with me and my band of horsemanship hikers, I have a secret invitation for a week at Basecamp just for you: 🔑Key to Basecamp Here.

Thanks for being awesome! – Emma Daily Kline 🦋